Caitlin thought she might throw up. The rush of excitement and dread hit her at once at the train station. It wasn't exactly a picture perfect moment in an old movie. It was really kind of lame, she guessed. Her Mom took pictures with her old camera. She still wouldn't use the digital one. Finally, she got her brother to take a picture of her and Megan with her camera phone.
Caitlin sat there in her seat trying to get comfy as she stared at the tiny photo on the camera. Megan trying to look happy when Caitlin knew she wasn't. Now it brought Caitlin to tears. She wished she'd said the right thing. She was pretty sure she hadn't. It was depressing. She hadn't felt this awful in a long time.
It was Megan always getting ready for something. This ball. That banquet. She went places with Craig. They were such a couple. Caitlin was the third wheel.
She didn't even go to prom.
She hadn't been to a school dance since her Freshman year. She thought of how she'd dressed up in itchy ruffles with shoes that hurt her feet, and she could barely walk. A dress that suffocated her, just to show up at the Chinese place with a crowd of kids who couldn't remember her name. Megan had had two dates that night. Of course, she didn't know her very well then. Caitlin supposed she could have begged Megan for one of her dates. But she didn't, she knew who everyone wanted to be with, and it wasn't her. She felt as if she'd watched everyone jump into the pool of high school happiness, and she'd stood their on the edge with her arms crossed.
It was hard to believe they were still friends.
Now Caitlin felt so cold. It was May and she felt as if she'd be sick before she ever got to the Uni. Everything frightened her, suddenly. What was she doing? What if she lost her way and a serial killer found her and offed her the moment she lost her virginity.
Caitlin found herself digging in her bag for weapons then. She had an empty key chain. She'd even left her nail file at home. She had nothing but M&M's to munch on. She put one in her mouth then. Maybe she could blow one really hard out of her mouth, if she had too..right in the neck. Or, she'd just throw up on them. Yeah, that seemed the easy thing to do.