Tuesday, January 15, 2013

a rocky road

"I dunno if..if I should be here." Hattie shrugged as if this was the last place she'd expected to be. "I mean, I feel better. A lot better. But just when I think I'm over it. You know, this stomach bug that's going around. It just happens. One minuted I'm famished. There were these cold biscuits, leftover in the kitchen..and..and I devoured all four of them. Then a few hours later I..I threw up and well.." She didn't want to tell the practitioner it took a shower to clean her self up. "I've been off work for about week. I feel really bad about this. I'm never sick."

Naturally, came the questions about monthly menstrual cycle. When was her last period?

Hattie drew a blank. She hadn't really thought about it much. Now she felt like an imbecile of some kind. Like she was just stupid. Caitlin talked about this with her. She'd even taken her down to Planned Parenthood, as if this might be a really good time to think about birth control. Now she felt weak thinking what an idiot this woman must think of her.

Hattie felt the goosebumps prick on her skin. They'd know in a matter of minutes if it were true. She got ready for the exam then. Suddenly, she felt more pale.

"I think I've lost a couple of pounds." Hattie nodded thinking wasn't that just the opposite of being pregnant.

Before she knew it, she was having to discuss her sexual history. Honestly, she didn't want to talk about it. There was a lot more than Timo and Alfie to deal with. It felt so ancient now. Yes, she'd used sex to barter for drugs. But it was like talking about some other girl, who'd gone away. Hattie didn't want to talk about that girl.

"Yes, I've had an abortion." Hattie said ever so quietly. "Do we have to talk about this?" She squinted hard. She hugged herself. Not wanting to compare then to now.

But she couldn't help but weep. She really didn't want to think about last time.


Sara Gerard said...

Hattie is so much better than she was, I hope she remembers that.

ivy's closet said...

I do feel so sad for her. Hopefully, it'll be different this time.

Cafe Fashionista said...

Poor Hattie. :(

lucy and sarah said...

Hopefully, she'll be OK.