as the days go by

"I don't think it was a real proposal," Caitlin said to Megan over he phone.

Here she was alone again. No move. Nothing was different. Just the usual. She felt stranded in a closet that was getting smaller everyday.

"What did you say?" Megan asked as she paced wondering where Derrick could be.

"Well..." Now Caitlin's big conversation was fading fast. It was getting late. "I'm not going to marry him."

"But you'd move in with him?" Megan questioned. She was sure Caitlin would say in the next breath, 'why didn't she just live with Derrick,' but Caitlin didn't.

"I dunno. He's right, we need to date more." Caitlin sounded settled on the idea.

"And that'll get boring too." Megan said before she had a chance to stop herself. She felt so tired now, but her nights were restless. The baby kicked so much.

"Are you OK? Megan?" Caitlin finally asked.

"Yes." She told her. "Of course, I am." But she felt huge. How much longer could this go on? Here Derrick said they were going to move, but they hadn't. On one level things felt in sync. There was the daily yoga, and the places she liked to shop and go. But it was winter and it was cold, and there was still time to think. Think about the past. What did their future honestly hold?

She didn't want to think Derrick might be getting back at her. She wanted to trust him, but how could she when she didn't even trust herself.