There's a fatal flaw in my heart's design

 

While Monica was explaining to Louis how Randy was misdiagnosed all these years while growing up in a group home, Louis realized her fondness for him. But then again, she pointed out how it had been a lost cause, thinking Randy was boyfriend material when he wasn't.

It was hard to focus on their simple Skip Bo game they had going at his place. It was not the time to go out in this heat of summer. After all, she had a car and took him to get to the morning test he had to go to since he'd totaled his car last October due to impaired driving and his license was on hold.

Louis scratched the back of his neck in thought as it occurred to him that maybe Monica didn't understand his situation either. He pushed his fingers through his messy hair as he tried to focus on his cards, but it was impossible. All he could do was gaze at Monica's sweet mouth. But he squinted; he didn't want to mislead her.

"This whole thing is going to be over soon," he said about his license. "I don't know why they want me to go to all these alcohol meetings..when  I wasn't drinking, you know." He told her he was on medication for his depression. He sighed, wishing he didn't have to tell her the truth. 

Sadness swept over him then. He tried to laugh. but the tears emerged instead as he sighed. "OK, so I  had some Hard Lemonade the night before it all happened. I fell asleep. I don't think I had that many. I just wanted to stop thinking about how bad my boss lady is." He couldn't look Monica in the eyes. "She's so passive-aggressive." He winced. It sounded like a lame excuse. "It's just she puts me down all the time." He still wasn't finished, how exhausted he'd been that morning on the way to work when he ran into a sign and landed his car in a grassy embankment.

He dropped his hand to his side, and Monica took it as if she were really listening.

"Honestly, I didn't think I was all that bad off. I don't mean to be, but it's just a struggle, you know." He looked at her out of the corner of his eye as he sucked in a breath.

"Maybe, you should just quit." Her blank look wasn't as helpful as he'd thought.

"No," he squinted. He wanted to pull away from her, but he couldn't do that either. "I'm so close to getting her job. She needs me, and she knows it. It's just...She's seventy-something years old and won't retire." He rattled on about how he'd get full insurance (because what he was paying now was lousy insurance) and a pension, but Monica put her index finger in the middle of his lips. Shocked. Louis didn't know what was next.

"Enough." Her eyes were wide open. "No matter what you tell me, I like you."

He nodded. Taking her finger, he wondered how awkward this really was. She was so close to him now, as her other arm was around him. Suddenly, he felt as if he might be the girl in this situation. "I..I like you too." He at least wanted her to know they were on the same page.

Her lips met his then. He kissed her back carefully, and she smiled as if this was their signal for a new chapter.

Whatever's been weighin' you down

 "He sounds just like Ari," Jade found herself saying when Monica told her about Louis. She suddenly remembered how testy she was when they first met, too. "Just enjoy these moments." She patted her growing baby bump. Of course, these days she thought she was growing everywhere. Was it supposed to be this way?

She kept smiling even when she wanted to look in a mirror and wonder what she'd become since being pregnant. But she was feeling great. Heartburn had been an issue early on, but now she didn't eat after nine at night, and if she did it was yogurt. In fact, yogurt was her go-to snack even if she was craving ice cream.

It was such a hot summer, and she spent the majority of it inside. She and Ari didn't go walking until late evenings these days. Still, she was starting to eat smaller meals through the days and it concerned her if she'd be gestational diabetic, but at the moment her tests were coming back OK. She didn't like getting fat. On the other hand, no way would she let herself starve.

"But he's not my boyfriend," Monica looked at her blankly. "We're just friends."

Jade nodded. "That's a good start. I know you hear all the time that's not the way it should be, but really, being friends is going to give you a chance to really know each other."

"Yeah, I know," Monica said she'd learned a lot since high school. "I mean, I was so crazy about Randy from the moment I saw him. I guess I was too much of a fangirl for my own good." She was serious, perhaps even sad. 

"But you two are still friends. You live together." Jade reminded her.

Monica squinted and hugged herself. "Well, he's not really there. I mean. He is, but he's always in his room these days. We haven't really talked since he got this mysterious package."

"Mysterious package?" Jade chuckled as if to tell her more.

They both sat at the reception desk with their computers set to their home page of the Dance Academy. They weren't working very hard at proofing many of the links and information. It was a tedious process, yet they had plenty of time to do it.

"At first, he was furious about it. He didn't know who it was from, but when he opened the box and found out it was this headset and gear for ..you know, a virtual reality game." Monica went quiet then, but then added as if she feared the worst, "It's like I've really lost him. All he looks forward to now is that game."

Monica looked at her as if she didn't really know what to do about it.

"I think it's good that Louis is around." Jade looked at Monica out of the corner of her eye, with her fingertips at the keyboard.

"What do you mean?" Monica's face tensed.

"Didn't you say he's always there when Louis comes over?"

"Yeah, I suppose." Monica shrugged. She pressed a smile as if she liked knowing Louis even more.

There's something about Monica

 

There was a bit of a notion of heart failure that maybe there was something between them. Honestly, Louis wasn't sure he liked the feeling. Especially if he felt faint around Monica in the elevator. More than once, he thought his legs might give way. And what would happen if he fell on her?

He'd done the math. They were practically the same height. He knew he wasn't tall enough for this venture, but he went with it anyway.

He rode his bike all the way to where she worked during his lunch hour just to bring her something sweet and iced coffee. He expected she'd be at lunch too, but she was at her reception station giving him a big smile to see what he brought.

"I can't believe you're here?" Her smile was so open. He had to laugh, even if he was shaking on the inside with fear. 

"Well," Louis didn't know how to fill in the blank. All he could do was to look at her, dumbfounded, and nod.

Since then, they'd gone grocery shopping together. It seemed her roommate did not like grocery shopping, so he helped her find items on the list. It might be a big mystery to figure out what she liked. He'd bring his basket and pick up blueberries and strawberries.

"I guess I need more fruit in my life," he'd explained.

"Oh, really?" She looked at him as if to tell her more.

"I like bacon," he shrugged. He confessed there was an art to frying bacon. It was delicious when it was perfectly crispy.

Before long, he was telling her all about his miserable boss, whom he assisted. "Some day, I might have her job," he told her on the way back to the apartment building. "I thought she was going to retire in September, but it doesn't look like it will be until December now."

Monica nodded. It wasn't long after that that he found out she was truly a good listener. By the Fourth, they went to a carnival together. Amazingly, Louis didn't get sick on the Tilt-A-Whirl. In fact, it was the best Fourth he'd ever had, watching the fireworks in the swinging seat (at the top) of the Ferris wheel with Monica.

They held hands that night. Somehow, Louis felt brave enough to eat dinner with her every night. Of course, Randy was there like a big brother watching his every move.

Lordy..lordy....

 "Jesus! Your parents don't even know you're going to be a dad!" Chewy words stirred Jun in a tizzy.

He'd just witnessed something awful at home. He squeezed his eyes shut. It seemed neither Chewy nor Chai knew a thing about someone's water breaking. Jun shivered. Thank God, he got Rennie to the hospital in time. He was already about to pass out, and they were pushing him to be there for Rennie. RIGHT NOW. He could barely breathe. He wanted to say, "Do I have to?" but he dialed his mom directly and told her the news. She was going to have a grandchild.

"Right now? Where are  you?" She yelled into the phone.

He told her about the hospital. She said they would be on their way. 

"You're in Seoul?" He squinted.

"Of course, we are! Why didn't you tell us?"

"I don't know." He squeezed his eyes shut. He'd told Rennie ages ago he'd tell them, but never got up the nerve.

"Just stay calm," she said. After he got off the phone, his friends said the same thing to him.

"You have to for Rennie's sake," Chai said. He remembered being there when Daisy was born. "It's the only thing you can do."

Jun sighed. He felt shattered. 

"You have to tell her you love her. You need to tell her how beautiful she looks." Chewy nodded.

Jun felt wheezy. He thought he might throw up.

"You know, you want this. You do." Chewy gave him the eye. "This is the start of a new chapter for all of you. You have to be there. You have to." Chewy was serious. Chai put his arm around Chewy and nodded as he dragged Chewy away.

This was really happening, and it was time for Jun to be the Dad he could be.

How can you just leave me standing

 Rennie remembered a time when the summer crochet dress fit splendidly. She was afraid that after the baby, it wouldn't be so. Yes, she felt too much lately. She woke up one day in her Seoul apartment with Jun, wondering, "WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

She was in crisis mode, perhaps. The baby was due at the end of the week, and suddenly, she wanted to go home. Yes, she was finally homesick. She wanted Auntie Nessa and the sisters. But when she called, she found out Nessa had gone back to Trinidad, and Jules and Deana were out in Florida. 

She sighed as if they never really cared about her to begin with. She'd been an abandoned child most of her life. There was just too much grief to think of those cruel days when her mother and father were still together. Not once did they ever catch on to what was going on with her as she stayed in a trance watching Sesame Street.

Later, she ended up at Auntie Nessa when her dad got arrested, and her mom died at the disco. They never spoke of them. Oddly, she had a dream the night before. They came to visit in their RV (In reality, her dad never wore his glasses and lost his driver's license. Her mom would have been better off as a truck driver, but that never happened either). But in this dream, they were together talking about waterfalls and where to go for the best ice cream they had ever had.

It made Rennie almost laugh. Who were those people? She knew them to always be bickering, but evidently, they'd found peace in the afterlife. She tried to tell them about the baby, but neither seemed to understand.

"Oh, baby, we've got to go," her mom smiled, and they were in a group hug. "We never stopped loving you."

Now she sniffed back tears, thinking she needed to get into her shower slippers and make some coffee. Instead, she was taken over by an ocean. Waterworks were everywhere.

The feelin' amplified

 

Gabapentine makes it hard to pee. Louis was certain of this now. Or was it the fact that someone had to watch you pee that was so detrimental? It was on his mind when he stepped into the elevator alone. Thank god, one test was over. Now he just needed to focus on work. He'd get on his e-bike and make his way to work. 

But when Monica stepped in alone on his ride up, she surprised him. 

"Where's?" Louis didn't know his name. It was an accident that he knew Monica's name. Not that he was supposed to know. If only he could keep his mouth shut. But she was alone. And there was this opportunity. He shook the thought. "I thought he would be with you."

"My roommate?" She broke the ice with a delightful smile. Louis responded with a smile as if it was all OK. Just what he needed to hear. 

He nodded. 

"I'm going to work," she told him.

"Me, too." He nodded back, although he hated his job. It was horrible at work. He didn't want to be there, but he had to. In fact, it was driving him crazy, but everyone expected him to be there, so there was no way out of it.

"So, you know me?" She looked surprised.

"Um, not really, but I see you together." He told her.

"He's just my roommate." She nodded.

Louis nodded back as if he could agree. It was actually nice to know. Although, he wasn't sure where he could go from here with the information. Maybe this was enough to know. He'd thought about her in passing, but that was it. 

Besides, he did have some problems. And he doubted Monica would want to know any of them.

a little thing called love

 It was a hell of a week. Maybe it had been a whole month since Carmen had started at the hospital. She knew what she was in for, but this was a long journey into the night. She felt lost. Taking notes, being guided by doctors who didn't give a shit about nurses. It was the worst time of her life. Carmen didn't think that could be possible. Why in the world did she ever sign up for something so misguided? Maybe it wasn't. Maybe she was just telling herself this, but she felt she was doing nothing right. It wasn't like what she'd learned in class. How could this be? She couldn't even make Justin understand. All she could do was yawn every time he spoke. She just needs sleep. It felt endless.

And then she found him on the side of the road. She couldn't help but swoop him up in her arms and take him right to the vet. He didn't have a chip. It looked as if he was left for her. She named him Blue right away. They said he was a terrier, but she knew differently. She knew what Justin would think the moment he laid eyes on him.

"He's a pitbull." 

"So, what does that have to do with him? He needs me." Yes, she'd give up everything for Blue if she had to. She couldn't help it. It was love at first sight. Carmen wept with Blue in her arms until Justin said Yes.

She guessed he loved her after all. He wasn't sure how the other dog would be with this outsider, but thankfully, they cuddled together like old friends.

"See, it was meant to be," Carmen smiled weakly. Had she found the dog she'd always wanted?

Justin only sighed and warmed up some chili fries topped with melted cheese. It was the best meal she'd ever eaten, or so it seemed in this long bout of her new life at the hospital. She downed a cold beer with it and couldn't hardly wait to fall asleep.

"You're the most stubborn woman I've ever known," she thought she heard him say. "But the bravest one, too. I wouldn't be who I am without you."

She laughed and gave him a kiss on the cheek and turned away from him with another yawn. "I always wanted my own dog."

"But you've got me," he leaned in and whispered. 

"You're not a dog," Carmen said with a giggle. She knew she couldn't make him understand. She came from a family where dogs were only for the outside. Not one who could be a companion. It was something she'd yearned for since she was a kid. And Blue was the one, after all.