How can you just leave me standing

 Rennie remembered a time when the summer crochet dress fit splendidly. She was afraid that after the baby, it wouldn't be so. Yes, she felt too much lately. She woke up one day in her Seoul apartment with Jun, wondering, "WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

She was in crisis mode, perhaps. The baby was due at the end of the week, and suddenly, she wanted to go home. Yes, she was finally homesick. She wanted Auntie Nessa and the sisters. But when she called, she found out Nessa had gone back to Trinidad, and Jules and Deana were out in Florida. 

She sighed as if they never really cared about her to begin with. She'd been an abandoned child most of her life. There was just too much grief to think of those cruel days when her mother and father were still together. Not once did they ever catch on to what was going on with her as she stayed in a trance watching Sesame Street.

Later, she ended up at Auntie Nessa when her dad got arrested, and her mom died at the disco. They never spoke of them. Oddly, she had a dream the night before. They came to visit in their RV (In reality, her dad never wore his glasses and lost his driver's license. Her mom would have been better off as a truck driver, but that never happened either). But in this dream, they were together talking about waterfalls and where to go for the best ice cream they had ever had.

It made Rennie almost laugh. Who were those people? She knew them to always be bickering, but evidently, they'd found peace in the afterlife. She tried to tell them about the baby, but neither seemed to understand.

"Oh, baby, we've got to go," her mom smiled, and they were in a group hug. "We never stopped loving you."

Now she sniffed back tears, thinking she needed to get into her shower slippers and make some coffee. Instead, she was taken over by an ocean. Waterworks were everywhere.

The feelin' amplified

 

Gabapentine makes it hard to pee. Louis was certain of this now. Or was it the fact that someone had to watch you pee that was so detrimental? It was on his mind when he stepped into the elevator alone. Thank god, one test was over. Now he just needed to focus on work. He'd get on his e-bike and make his way to work. 

But when Monica stepped in alone on his ride up, she surprised him. 

"Where's?" Louis didn't know his name. It was an accident that he knew Monica's name. Not that he was supposed to know. If only he could keep his mouth shut. But she was alone. And there was this opportunity. He shook the thought. "I thought he would be with you."

"My roommate?" She broke the ice with a delightful smile. Louis responded with a smile as if it was all OK. Just what he needed to hear. 

He nodded. 

"I'm going to work," she told him.

"Me, too." He nodded back, although he hated his job. It was horrible at work. He didn't want to be there, but he had to. In fact, it was driving him crazy, but everyone expected him to be there, so there was no way out of it.

"So, you know me?" She looked surprised.

"Um, not really, but I see you together." He told her.

"He's just my roommate." She nodded.

Louis nodded back as if he could agree. It was actually nice to know. Although, he wasn't sure where he could go from here with the information. Maybe this was enough to know. He'd thought about her in passing, but that was it. 

Besides, he did have some problems. And he doubted Monica would want to know any of them.

a little thing called love

 It was a hell of a week. Maybe it had been a whole month since Carmen had started at the hospital. She knew what she was in for, but this was a long journey into the night. She felt lost. Taking notes, being guided by doctors who didn't give a shit about nurses. It was the worst time of her life. Carmen didn't think that could be possible. Why in the world did she ever sign up for something so misguided? Maybe it wasn't. Maybe she was just telling herself this, but she felt she was doing nothing right. It wasn't like what she'd learned in class. How could this be? She couldn't even make Justin understand. All she could do was yawn every time he spoke. She just needs sleep. It felt endless.

And then she found him on the side of the road. She couldn't help but swoop him up in her arms and take him right to the vet. He didn't have a chip. It looked as if he was left for her. She named him Blue right away. They said he was a terrier, but she knew differently. She knew what Justin would think the moment he laid eyes on him.

"He's a pitbull." 

"So, what does that have to do with him? He needs me." Yes, she'd give up everything for Blue if she had to. She couldn't help it. It was love at first sight. Carmen wept with Blue in her arms until Justin said Yes.

She guessed he loved her after all. He wasn't sure how the other dog would be with this outsider, but thankfully, they cuddled together like old friends.

"See, it was meant to be," Carmen smiled weakly. Had she found the dog she'd always wanted?

Justin only sighed and warmed up some chili fries topped with melted cheese. It was the best meal she'd ever eaten, or so it seemed in this long bout of her new life at the hospital. She downed a cold beer with it and couldn't hardly wait to fall asleep.

"You're the most stubborn woman I've ever known," she thought she heard him say. "But the bravest one, too. I wouldn't be who I am without you."

She laughed and gave him a kiss on the cheek and turned away from him with another yawn. "I always wanted my own dog."

"But you've got me," he leaned in and whispered. 

"You're not a dog," Carmen said with a giggle. She knew she couldn't make him understand. She came from a family where dogs were only for the outside. Not one who could be a companion. It was something she'd yearned for since she was a kid. And Blue was the one, after all.

What's the message? Will you show me the way?

 "Are you sure it's going all right?" Carmen's question, over the phone, made Monica question herself about the new job at the dance studio.

"I think so." She knew everyone was nice to her, and Jade did take most of the workload. However, Monica couldn't stop her, even if she wanted to. Yes, there were times she was idle, and she felt bad about that. "I know I should be doing more."

"How so?" Carmen sounded tired from her new job at the hospital. Monica was shocked to even get a phone call from her so late in the evening.

"Oh, it's nothing. You know, it's like, Jade knows how to do everything. I just wish she'd let me do more." Monica finally let slip.

"Just keep watching her and ask as many questions as you can," Carmen told her. There would be a day when she might have to do everything.

Monica gritted. She hoped she would be ready. Jade's baby bump was growing. Of course, she knew she would trouble herself wondering why she wasn't prepared enough. Honestly, she'd never thought of these circumstances when she was younger. All she'd worried about was her wardrobe and makeup. Now those things were on the back burner.

If that wasn't enough, there were thoughts of wondering if she was or wasn't in a relationship with Randy. Yes, she didn't like to admit it, but he'd always think it was purely platonic. But he usually had dinner waiting for her when she got home. And he'd listen to her go on about her day, yet it seemed he didn't want to talk about his. 

Tristan had moved out with Olivia. He never came over to check on them anymore. Frankly, it was too quiet, but she wasn't going to focus on this with Randy. She was beginning to think she didn't know him after all, just like he said.

And even listening to Carmen with all her hacks about the job at the dance store was so overwhelming that she found herself in tears.  When would anything really change? The days were churning into weeks, and months would go by. Yes, this longing she had for Randy was drifting. The truth was sinking in. She needed to find her own joy within.

The start of the season

 

It might as well have been the first grilling of the season at Cam's. Gabe was glad to see everyone. He felt there was a lot of catching up to do with everyone. Especially, his brother Pan, who was still with Wade, but there were some troubles which neither would speak of, and neither did he.

It was Mother's Day, and their Mom was still with Cam. They had brought her flowers, and of course, the biggest gift of all was Kia showing how, at six months, he was strong enough to crawl. Yeah, he was a busybody, and Gabe knew he'd figure out how to climb soon enough.

It was supposed to be brunch, but no way would that happen with so many who had to have barbecue. So the waffles with strawberries ended up being a happy ending for a few of them, but Gabe was too full of deviled eggs and ribs.

For the first time, there was no alcohol, and Gabe was OK with that. Everyone knew Pan shouldn't drink. And Gabe sensed something was troubling Pan, who was giving everyone the silent treatment. Although he did pull out this phone a time or two to show off last year's trip to Montana, where they got to actually herd some cattle out on a Cowboy Camp. Lots of Chuck Wagon foodie pics, too. Evidently, Cam's ribs couldn't compare, but Gabe always enjoyed whatever Cam cooked.

Naturally, Rico showed up alone. Mona was spending Mother's Day with her mother. He assured everyone that everything was perfectly fine. Too perfect, in fact, or at least from Gabe's perspective. He knew everything was perfect as long as Rico did what he was told. Gabe was tired of feeling sorry for Rico. Evidently, he was a fool in love and always would be with Mona. Gabe wanted to tell him he was an idiot, but knew it wouldn't do much good.

Near the end, Sammie found him. She gave him the baby to hold. He took to him like he was a Daddy's boy. 

"Evidently, you were nice to everyone, weren't you?" She grinned.

"I was." He looked at her as if he were more of a kid than Kia ever would be.

"Good," she nodded. "I thought you would be." She got out her phone to take a picture of Gabe and Pan with their mother. Then Wade took a photo with Sammie's phone camera of Sammie included with the family. Afterwards, Rico called his dad over to be in a family photo, including Wade, as well. 

Little did Gabe know that there would be plenty of photos taken of the extended family, but Kia had had enough long before too many more could get in the picture. It was time to go home.

Standing in the Shadows of Love

 Nori felt a little numb when she heard the news from Mel. The lump of emotion lodged in her throat, and she didn't know what to say. Finally, she sputtered a "Congratulations!" She couldn't think of what else to say.

"Well, what  is it?" Jared looked at her, little bug-eyed, as if maybe he already knew.

"They're going to have a baby,"

"Wow, really? When?" He looked at her blankly as if he needed to pop a bottle of champagne or something, but all they had was ZERO SUGAR Gatorade. He poured the orange drink into glasses and added a little Bubly for good measure.

"She said, but..but I forgot." Actually, she might have gone deaf. It was the strangest thing. She didn't know why she reacted this way. After all, Mel was her closest friend. She told Nori that she wanted her to be the first to know. 

She sank into her dining chair and held the drink. She looked up at Jared, thinking he was expecting to hear any day that she was expecting, too. But she'd always told herself she didn't need kids, and deep down, she knew that's what he actually wanted. But she kept thinking, he was just a sex-driven Englishman. 

After a while, she did know he was the type who wanted to be married and to have a family, but she hadn't really put that much thought into why he was like that. He'd grown up with someone he moved in with when he was back in England, but even then, he'd told her that marriage was something he'd never brought up till near the end, which was bad timing. 

Still, she worried about his alcoholism. But lately, he was taking medication for his depression and anxieties and having an active lifestyle, without falling back into the rut he'd known since his pre-teens. She didn't dare think how long this might last. What if he fell off the wagon?

Nori was fond of him. There were so many sexy ways she enjoyed with him, but in the back of her mind, she wondered if any of this would last. She'd hate to give him up. There was a certain attraction, and she grasped at it as long as she could before he might go off the deep end, again.

Yet, she had to admit, he was her only child, and she was still trying to raise him well to be a good husband. Maybe they were already there, and she didn't even know it.

"Now, don't you go thinking we need a baby anytime soon," Nori practically snapped as if he thought this kind of thing with Mel might be contagious. Somebody had to be the grown-up around here, and he did need to be nagged from time to time to get things done at home. Like helping with chores and, of course, Chica. "She is good practice for you." Nori pursed her lips. "She's our fur baby."

This is how it is

 "I just don't get it?" Kevin's question woke Mel to the fact that he didn't think she was a very good friend to Nori. He hadn't said anything in days. He was so quiet. She knew something was bothering him, but she didn't ask. Besides, they had schedules to keep, and he did all the cooking anyway while she was with her pup or keeping up with the laundry. But she'd decided tonight she'd help with the stew. The temps had dropped again, and she didn't want to be outside any longer than she had to be.

"What? What are you talking about?" She kept her back to him as if she didn't want to even know what he was getting at. "We've been best friends, since..since I don't know when." They'd met at the Metro College. Neither was successful at the University, so they were both figuring on getting some skills needed for the workforce. Although she knew Nori was much smarter than Mel expected, that hadn't made her resent her in any way.

"I can't believe you talk to each other like that," Kevin said, knowing. Jared told him. 

Mel practically rolled her eyes as she peeled potatoes near the sink while he was sautéing the beef chunks with garlic. The scent was so overwhelming that Mel thought she might be ill, but she went on with her chore, trying to think how she could explain her friendship with Nori.

"We, we..are such good friends we can say whatever we want without hurting each other's feelings," she turned to him who had his back to her. "We've known each other that long. We know..We know we're both chunky girls." She didn't want to say fat. "Maybe..maybe I would be a little out of sorts if Nori lost weight and I didn't. I don't think so. It's just who we are."

"Mel, that's no way to treat a friend," Kevin snarled back. "I wouldn't want you talking to me that way."

"Of course, I wouldn't." Mel squinted back. She sighed then, feeling woozy, like she might not be able to stay on her feet. She felt lightheaded, her vision was blurring. She squinted harder.

"What's the matter?" Kevin asked, switching off the burner and rushing to her.

"I'm sure I'm OK." Mel dropped the potato peeler and held on to the kitchen counter.

"Mel, you know how you are. You're never sick because you say you never are when maybe that's just a lie."  His words hurt to hear, but she'd show up at work even if she had a headache, even a fever. She kept going. But now he was heading out the door with her to the car and she wasn't stopping him from taking her to the emergency room.