Thursday, October 6, 2022

It can be lonely sometimes

 Truth be told Deano wasn't getting any sleep. "Is it supposed to be that way?" He asked Roman who was over with the dinner he and Eddie brought. Yes, he knew he looked a little sad. These days, he wasn't even getting a shower. He was always with Hannah. "Caitlin is sleeping a lot."

"Well, you are married to her. I guess she must trust you a lot," Roman gave him a pat on the back with a smile and took Hannah from him.

"Oh, so that's it." Deano yawned.

"I don't think she's ever trusted anyone but you," Roman said he'd heard this from LaLa a while ago. "You have that kind of effect on her." He cuddled Hannah who quietened down. 

"Now if I only knew what I was doing," Deano was so out of it. "This girl dad stuff is really getting to me." He said he was nervous about changing her and cleaning her and everything else that went along with baby care. "Sure I watched the videos, but I don't know if I'm doing everything right."

"Oh, she would let you know," Roman told him.

"Right, Caitlin hasn't said anything." Deano moved his neck. It sure did hurt.

"No, I mean Hannah."


"Yes, I can see she loves you already. She knows who you are," Roman put the infant in the crib. 

Deano supposed he might be right. "I just thought Caitlin's mom would be around to help, you know. But Caitlin doesn't want her here."

"Daughters can be that way," Roman sighed. "It's not a fairytale. Maybe it's more calm this way for Caitlin." Roman told him the story when he was born how he had colic and his grandmother thought he needed whiskey and just about gave it to him, but his mom wouldn't let her. "She says they were never the same since then. Maybe Caitlin thought it might make things worse with her mother here."

Deano nodded at that. 

"Go have some meatloaf while it's still warm," Roman said he'd watch the baby. Deano's stomach grumbled about then. He was hungry.

Tuesday, October 4, 2022

Of two hearts one is always warm and one is always cold

 That night Eric was at the pub for the quiz, he thought he might be smarter when he was a little intoxicated. He actually got five answers right. Of course, that meant another White Russian. He could hardly walk when he got up.

Of course, it made him forget his troubles with Alex too. He wasn't quite as worried as he thought he should be. Why did something about his relationship with Alex have to hurt so much? Of course, he was probably more angry with himself than with Alex.

He'd told Derrick all about it on the way home. "Why couldn't I have been enough?" He thought he could be there for Alex, no matter what. But evidently, Alex didn't think so.

"Stop beating yourself up about this kid," was Derrick's response. "He's got to figure this out on his own. Maybe he or she doesn't even know what they really want." Derrick went on to say there was a lot more mental to it than anyone would probably ever know. "And god knows, what might influence Alex. Just leave that high schooler alone." After all, Eric was twenty-one now.

"We all have a lot of growing up to do," Derrick said. "You can wait on love. Just..just love yourself."

"Is that what you're doing?" Eric sighed thinking it was weird that Derrick was actually here. He knew Derrick only took that job because he knew Pixie was here. "You just came, because of her." He remembered his history with her. He was quite the fanboy.

"No," He shook his head and smiled as he drove him home. "That's not true. Sure, I think an awful lot of her. But I wanted to have this chance." He said he'd grown up a lot. Sure, she was his crush and he owed her so much, helping him become the dancer he was. "I will always think of her as my teacher. I just needed a change."

"Is that why you haven't even seen her yet?" Yes, Eric remembered the question clearly. 

"Nothing is going on between us. I don't plan on anything ever going on between us," he said as he helped Eric out of his car. "Don't you understand that?"

Eric squinted as he stumbled and fell right to the ground. He thought he heard Derrick say something else, but he couldn't remember.

Sunday, October 2, 2022

what have you done to yourself

 Alex had never felt quite this sick before. Honestly, it felt like a terrible time. Cold chills. Feverish. Maybe it was just the flu. His arms and his legs ached. It was amazing Alex got home at all.

Of course, it started out with a bang of sorts with Frieda. Yes, Alex would say it was the perfect answer to their problem. Being with Frieda.

She was the life of the party. Everyone loved her. Yes, Alex could be her. Alex was beginning to think. Frieda knew the right clothes. The right makeup. It was a crash course of who Alex needed to become.

"You shall be Ali," Frieda told Alex. "Don't look back. Dream it, and you can be it."

Although, there was another side of Frieda too. Alex found it all a bit old-fashioned. Frieda didn't believe in the updated procedures and nonsense of what was trending in a transcending world. 

"It'll mess you up," Frieda told Alex. "Do you want to castrate yourself?" Really, Alex never knew of these sort of things. Yes, Alex went to counseling from time to time but wasn't sure what sort of chances to take. Naturally, the counselor told Alex that support groups were a great help, but they never believed it. No, this was who Alex was searching for. Someone to teach Alex how to really walk. How to manage pantyhose along with shapewear. Honestly, Alex felt alive with the wigs, the makeup. Even the limelight.

However, Frieda didn't tell Alex that she was a drug dealer too. Still, there was so much Alex wanted to learn from Frieda. It was too late. Now Ali thought of Frieda screaming for her to go. "GET OUT! GET OUT! BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!"

Yes, it felt like a dream now that turned into a nightmare. Really, Ali didn't know if Freida got away or not. Ali didn't look back.

Of course, her mother was happy to see her even if she didn't know what to make of her. Especially, since she wasn't going by Alex anymore. Just Ali. 

Thankfully, her mom was glad she was safe and didn't fuss or ask much of what had happened. It was going to be OK. Ali's life would be OK. It had to be. Freida wanted her to go on living.

Friday, September 30, 2022

Why can't it be just us?


Liv felt she wasn't there for Rico. All she could think of was Alex at the moment. They hadn't heard from them in over a week.

"Why am I like this?" She felt like crying but knew Alex wasn't one to cry about anything. Evidently.

"Because you're a good friend," Rico told her.

"Oh, but what about you, how are you really doing with Caitlin's mom here and everything?" She wished she felt more like celebrating with everyone else about Caitlin's new baby. As if was, she hadn't held it yet. 

"Her mom is great. I'm glad Dad could get her to come," he said. 

"Do you want him to ask your mom to come?" Liv found herself asking since she didn't want to make this all about Alex.

"I'm fine." he nodded. After all, his dad made him call her once a week. That was enough. Or so he said. 

Liv guessed she understood. She didn't call her mom as much. Maybe she was the bad one after all. She'd told his dad early on that she would try to be better about it, but she wasn't. Especially, when she was worried about Alex. 

"What if ..what if something bad happened?" Liv said about Alex.

"Well, Alex's mom called the police," Rico sighed. "It's a start. Leave it to the police." He sounded as if she might go on her own to investigate.

They were home alone tidying up. Rico vacuumed and she wiped down the dining area. Everything was nice and clean. 

"What we should be doing is cleaning at Deano and Caitlin's," Rico looked at her.

"Right," she agreed. It was best to keep busy and hope that Alex would come home soon.

Wednesday, September 28, 2022

Why don't we leave it at that?


Caitlin didn't mean to be so out of it. But one thing was on her mind when she went into labor. It was the day she had to go into work and make sure all the paperwork was signed for her maternity leave. She hadn't been in ages. But on that day, there in the glassed-in office across the way, she saw him. She knew for certain it was Wade. Only he was blonde now and with someone new. What could possibly be going on now?

Of course, everything went downhill from there. Her water broke and an ambulance came and that set of the night of turbulence she'd never been through before. Her mom and dad were both there. Later, Mario and Bren came as if to relieve them.

"But why?" She cringed grasping onto Deano who had been there from the get-go although she didn't really talk to him. She made faces now and again and tried to talk to him about Wade, but he wouldn't listen.

"Look, you're having a baby!" He shouted back. "FOCUS!" And he was probably right.

There were moments she had to listen to her mom talk about the history of her own birth.

"I was in the shower when my water broke." She said she was alone. I didn't know exactly what was happening.

"Oh, Mom." Caitlin didn't need to hear this. Of course, she was actually pulling Deano's hair as she was suffering another lower back pain. Weren't they supposed to be giving her something?

"Your dad came when I told him how weird I felt. He took me to the hospital," she said.

Caitlin felt a little numb listing to this story that her dad mentioned to her every birthday. Yes, her parents had been together for a short while. But she asked about Mario. Where was he when she was born?

"With his mother of course," his mom said. "She was my friend, you know."

"Huh," she'd never heard that before, but an avalanche of pain struck her again. She was hungry. Yet kind of sad to know this.

When her mother left for dinner, she had to tell Mario this. "Did you know your mom was friends with my mom?" It was a crazy revelation, but she was glad she knew. She guessed.

Mario only smiled and let Deano take over. He was practically in bed with her anyway. It wasn't long after that, or maybe it was a lot longer than Caitlin realized.  It was sometime around two in the morning that she gave birth to an eight-pound baby girl. Her mother said the infant already looked a month old.

Caitlin said her name was Hannah.

"Hannah?" Deano didn't think that was a name on their list.

"Oh, it's after an old friend. We were best friends once," Caitlin smiled. Yes, they had to remember Dylan was once Hannah. But she didn't mention it. She didn't think about Wade anymore either. It was best to look to the future. After all, it felt as if the weather of her life might be stable now. And she was ready to eat a steak too. But they only let her have scrambled eggs with spinach and toast.

"What? No bacon?" She winced.

"Well, your blood sugar is still a little high," the nurse said. "You need to eat more healthy. Especially, if you intend to breastfeed."

"Oh." Caitlin hadn't really thought of that, yet little Hannah knew exactly what to do.

Monday, September 26, 2022

Oh baby, I don't know what to do with myself


"Arizona?" The way she said his name put him off. It was like he might be a disease or something.

"Just call me, Ari," he said to Jade who was alone now after class. Just the way he wanted it. Some time when he didn't have lil sis being nosy. God, he hoped she didn't show up.

"I didn't know you-" Jade started, but stopped. She looked as if she'd been warned. Yes, he was certain she thought he was poison, and for some reason that made him smile.

"Oh, I didn't know you'd be here either," he shrugged back as he walked with her. It was all casual. "So how are your classes?"

"They're fine," she nodded. She kept looking ahead. She wouldn't look at him. 

"Are you studying, all the time?"

"Not all the time." She was calm. Very calm. He liked that about her.

"Let's get something to eat," his smile was open and he turned to her ever so inviting.

"Why?" She almost stomped his foot.

"Oh, I live know who..I just want to know you, you know." He kept smiling.

"I don't think it's a good idea," Jade then said as she pushed her crossbag back in place on the shoulder of her fall jacket.

"Well.. whoever told you that, is wrong," he told her. "I just want to talk."

"OK." she nodded as if she got what he meant. She pressed her lips. "What do you have in mind?"

"Let's go in here," he pointed to the milktea shop. There were noodles too. "It's new. Have you gone in here." She shook her head, no.

"Well, let's see what they have," Ari winced knowing he was smiling too much. He was certain she would never take him seriously.

A little bit later, they sat in the back booth with their bobble tea while waiting for noodles. He asked her twenty questions, it seemed. About where she went to school. What she liked and where did she want to end up.

"What about you?" She then asked.

"I have no answers for that," Ari chuckled. "I might want to go to Arizona," he laughed. "I mean, that's where my mom had me. That's all I know. Really." He didn't know his dad. "God, I don't mean to be such a sad story." But even when he said it, it might have been a lie. 

"The thing is, I know I owe my sister so much. I don't think I can ever repay her." It was back to that. It always came back to that. He felt like a dog on a chain that could never get that far from home. He knew he wanted to, but it hadn't worked out all that well. His sister was still having to give him money.

"Do you have a job?" Jade asked.


"Have you been looking for one?" She was straight-lipped. It was as if she already knew what he needed. And it wasn't her.

Saturday, September 24, 2022

Old Ways Won't Open New Doors


Eddie thought something was different about Cyrus, but he wasn't sure what. Cyrus was very organized about their pub quiz. Of course, Roman was going along as if to humor them both. 

"Where's Pixie?" Eddie finally said. 

"She's busy." Cyrus didn't say another word about her. He went over all the questions they'd ever studied in his trusty notebook. It was like he was trying to get them in the mood to answer the questions quickly. Damn, if that boy didn't keep track of all the questions asked at the pub quiz too. 

"Well, she should be here," Eddie said. "We need her." It was just the three of them and Roman already looked as if he were half asleep as he nursed on a BLUE MOON. 

"It's all good." He shrugged. "We have some of her friends coming."

"Like who?" Eddie winced. Before he knew it, two more guys arrived. Cyrus introduced them. It was Derrick and Eric. 

"I just turned twenty-one," Eric grinned as if he could hardly wait to order that White Russian. Derrick only laughed at him and ordered a lite beer. 

"I'm only here to make sure he doesn't make a fool of himself." Derrick nodded.

To Eddie's surprise, Cyrus ordered a glass of red wine.

"Are you sure about this?" Eddie asked as he looked at Roman who didn't say a thing.

Eddie sighed wondering what had gotten in to Cyrus. "You never drink."

"Well, maybe I should." Cyrus sounded as if it might give him the insight he was looking for.

"Don't be dumb," Eddie told him. "We need that brain of yours."

"I'll be fine." Cyrus looked at him.

"I don't think so," Eddie scooted him up to the bar so they could talk. "What's going on?"

"I don't know what you mean?" It was as if he'd learned the script already. It was like talking to Pixie. It was as if he had that certain mystery.

"Oh my god." Eddie glared at Cyrus.

"What?" He was so straight-lipped. It was as if he was becoming Pixie.

"You two had sex."

Cyrus looked away.  Eddie crossed his arms. He knew Cyrus would never say. He would have to talk to Pixie about this.