Poisoned from the inside

 

Melvin thought he might lose it this time.

He went nowhere for Thanksgiving instead he drank himself silly until he puked his guts out. It was a sure sign he wanted to be this way. Oh, he was all the things he hated. If only he could fix it, but doubt held heavy on his heart. Why was he such a miserable bastard?

There were the phone calls from home, he didn't even want to listen. Of course, he didn't want to be anyone's pity party. Being alone was the thing to do. No one needed to see this.

He closed the pizzeria the following days. He hated the thought of re-opening. He was so sure Cori would have called by now, but he didn't.

Wasn't Cori, his true best friend? Had he fucked that up, too? Just like with Wade.

Finally, by Sunday he did shower, thinking Cori would show up and they'd have a good talk. He'd make everything better. The more he thought on it in the midst of the hot water raining down on his miserable unshaven face, he thought he might actually be in love with the guy, or was that Wade. Especially, when he got a hard-on.

He cringed in silence. More unsure of himself than ever before. A cold chill hit and he hid under the covers as an ocean of sleep set in. Yes, maybe that's what he really needed after all.

Of course, even in sleep, he fought with Caitlin. Said some nasty things he knew he would have never said. But she'd said miserable things to him. It was as if she truly hated him, but when she stabbed him with a plastic fork it was as if she was killing him softly. She knew. She knew what a miserable sort he was. Even his fetish for stalking. She told him no one would ever want him. He didn't know how to be kind. Especially, not her kind.

He awoke with a wince as if he was in some deep hole he couldn't climb out of. For a moment, he remembered Tori. Not in a sexual way. Yes, damn it, it was in a sexual way. By then he thought of Cori and Tori together. It was as if he was supposed to learn something. But what?

Finally, he heard a knock at his door. He stumbled to get into his flannels and his Rolling Stone's tee he'd had since high school. His eyes were full asleep. For a moment, he thought he cut his eyeball. Still, he reached for the door. And she was there.

"You got any pot?" Caitlin looked as if she'd stayed up all night, and just as restless. He nodded and let her in.