Wasn't ready for it all

 Tori felt she'd said all the wrong things to Dylan now. It was good they could at least text and sometimes, she'd call. He hadn't actually done that lately. Which she missed. Perhaps she even felt hurt. But he was probably right. It was good to stay busy and try to get through this month, hoping the world didn't fall apart with a new president and a vaccine that still hadn't gotten to everyone.

Maybe she didn't feel quite so melancholy. It was a relief the holidays were over. She wasn't sure why she put so much pressure on herself. It was like a hidden mood she never expected and then she later felt exhausted.

She kept telling herself everything was OK, but she wasn't quite sure. It would take some time to get used to having Frankie around. At least he was working and there were classes and maybe he wouldn't have any time for her at all. Yet, she knew he would make time. That was the kind of guy he was.

And she still did have her work over the phone that could take up a few hours a day. It wasn't like it used to be. Perhaps that was where it all started. People couldn't get their surgeries like they used to, but she kept thinking things would get back to normal. Some day.

When she found out how busy Megan was with her new job, she felt full of envy. But she did her best to be happy for her. She pitched in with the cooking and the cleaning. Megan thanked her and asked if she would be interested in a dinner party.

"I don't think so."  Tori looked at her as if it was Megan who forgot they were in a pandemic.

"I'm sorry, you're right." Megan's mind was on other things, like lesson plans and take-home kits for students. "I wish we could." That's when Megan told her about Hope who used to live in Tori's room. She was going to have a baby.

"I would love to see her," Megan sighed as she was organizing little cards to put in baggies. 

Tori's smile crumbled. She'd never be brave enough to have a kid. It made her woozy at the thought. 

"Lord knows, about that guy she's with. Her luck he'll deliver the baby in the woods. She's living in a camper, you know." Megan went on to say.

It gave Tori a shiver. She didn't want to hear talk of this. It was as if Megan was talking about a nightmare. 

She went back to her room and crawled in her bed hugging her favorite pillow. Frankie was the only guy she'd ever been with, and she wasn't even sure if it was what she thought it was. It had been awkward but not really stressful. She liked the kissing and maybe it would have been best to have left it at that because she thought she'd hurt him near the end.