I will always love you

 Really, Tori had to fight with herself every step of the way. Taking Soren out, on her own on a hot humid day. It really wasn't that far to Caitlin and Deano's. She'd already called ahead of time and said she was coming.

Perhaps it was a well-laid plan, but doing it was much more complicated than one might think. So much to load herself down with and a baby strapped to her chest. Oh, she knew what he thought. She could see it in Soren's eyes. The way his little lips curved up. He thought he was going to get some while in the baby backpack.

She'd been weaning him for weeks now. He had a sippy cup. Yet, now he was too close to her breasts. Smashing them in fact. Naturally, she heaved just a little, thinking what if this contraption is too tight? Can he breathe?

It was best to make this quick. Like ripping off a bandaid. Dylan's very words the night before the big day. She felt a little sad now that this was the big day.

She was happy to see Bea and Hope not so long ago. They made her feel so empowered. As if she could do anything. And now she had to cross the street. What if she got hit by a garbage truck or even a Volkswagon? She winced hard, wanting to be brave. She had to be brave. She would be brave. So she made a dash when it said WALK and hurried up the stairs to Caitlin's. No way was she going to be trapped in an elevator. 

She knocked on the door. Hopefully, Caitlin didn't think she was an idiot. Of course, Caitlin was as calm as ever.

"You made it," Caitlin smiled.

Tori nodded but stood there anxious.

"Come in, I've got drinks and snacks," Caitlin smiled and lead the way. Tori stepped in and then another just to look back and see the door was still open. She went to close it. Soren was still as they came.

Quickly, she released him as if she might need to resuscitate him. She was panicking, but he was just looking at her as if he'd wait before he got mad. She could do her thing then he would do his thing.

"OH MY GOD," Caitlin said with a sigh. "He's huge!"

Naturally, Tori looked at her a bit frightened. Caitlin only smiled at her. "Are you doing OK?"

She nodded, but it felt like she was on this strange drug called life and she might hyperventilate at any moment. She took a seat after letting him down on the rug. He pushed himself up and was at the coffee table quick enough to walk around it.

"Wow," Caitlin was impressed as she watched his strong legs maneuver as if he was getting ready to join the circus. He looked up at her as if he enjoyed her attention.

Tori made an effort to smile, but it was hard. Finally, she took a sip of cold water.

"How did you do it?" Caitlin looked at her blankly. 

"What?" Now Tori was puzzled.

"He's so perfect. Did you ever imagine he'd be," she paused for an open smile. "So amazing."

Tori meant to smile, but she cried instead. Yes, she was happy to be his mother, but sometimes she felt he was the one leading her into the future instead of the other way around.