Standing int he shadows of love

 

"Well," Jade wanted Liv to be the first to know. She still wasn't sure how she was going to tell Ari, because she could see it in his eyes how defensive he'd be. Yet, he knew how much she wanted it and had at least decided to let it happen. Because these days, it didn't look feasible.

"Well, what?" Jade heard the laugh in Liv's voice.

"I'm pregnant!" She shouted with excitement. 

"Really?" Liv congratulated her soon enough. "So how are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling just fine," Jade bit a grin. She guessed she felt fine. Was it bad if she didn't feel fine?

"I'm so happy for you," her friend cheered her with lots of compliments. It was good to talk to Liv about pregnancies and babies. Still, she was a bit nervous. Although there was always her sister to talk to. Only, they hadn't had a chance.

Why did Jade have this sudden doubt? Did everyone feel this way? She wanted to be confident. She was healthy. She didn't smoke. She didn't drink alcohol. Still, she felt something might go wrong. The phone call was short, and of course, when she got off the phone, Ari said. "I already heard."

Jade sighed as if she were an idiot for not telling him first. "Sorry." She found herself saying, but actually she wasn't. Sometimes, she felt he held all the cards in this relationship. It didn't feel exactly equal, even if they did everything together, from chores to meals, but there was that money issue. And she knew exactly what he was thinking about. Like, how much longer could they live here?

It was a two-bedroom apartment, but the guestroom had turned into storage lately. Jade sighed and decided best to get breakfast taken care of, which turned out to be overnight oats and extra fruit. He didn't have much to say. She knew he didn't totally hate the idea of being a father, but she knew he'd never be satisfied. Or was it? She was never satisfied.

By the time she got to work, she wanted to break down and tell Carmen everything. Her issues with Ari, marriage, and babyhood. Yes, she'd cried all the way to work in her car, in traffic. No, she wasn't feeling well, after all. The coffee was awful. Even the overnight oats didn't taste right. She did her best not to swell a frown when she got to her desk. Carmen was already there. She had a spring cupcake waiting for Jade.

"What's this for?" Jade looked a bit bewildered. Did Carmen already know her news? Carmen smiled back as if this were the happiest day ever. Maybe she was pregnant too?

"I got on at the hospital." Yes, she was finally going to be on duty as a nurse. "I put in my two-week notice."

There was something resilient about Carmen. Jade envied her so much.