Taking it to the limit

 

Pan was still trying to wrap his head around it. The things he knew now about Wade. It kept him up at night, but he knew he had to live with it. After all, Wade didn't know what he'd told him.

Pan's eyes filled up with hot tears. He splashed water on his face in the bathroom.

That night (all those weeks ago back in late June) Wade was so randy. He drank at Sammie and Gabe's wedding. Pan found it kind of funny when he thought of the playful occasion. He'd never seen Wade like that. After all, he never drank. Energy drinks were his only downfall, and he usually opted for water on any occasion. This was Wade's way of keeping hydrated and at a meal he was too much of spend thrift to splurge when they went out. But that night was different. Oh, they'd laughed in all the celebrating. Pan drove home (Usually, Wade was the driver. After all, it was his black jeep they went places in).

Pan wasn't sure where the night might go. Sure, they were silly. For all he knew it might be the best sex ever. Instead giddy Wade was suddenly sad and breathing in and out tears, practically rolled up in a ball of emotion on the bed.

Of course, Pan was half undressed thinking the night was headed in a different direction. But Wade felt like confessing instead.

It started with, "I did something bad." He choked on his own phlegm. Pan thought he might be sick. Immediately, Pan slid into his black tank and went to get a box of tissue. Maybe he just needed to blow his nose, but Wade said it again, "I did something terrible. You..you would hate me."

"What are you talking about?" Pan squinted then.

Wade grabbed him by the shirt, bringing him down to the bed. "YOU CAN'T HATE ME!"

He talked about how bad his life had been before he met Pan. He talked about someone named Hannah.

"It's all her fault, you know. All of it!" But he cried like a river. Wade sounded as if he was talking about some other person. Not himself. It felt as if he was in a trance.

"Look, you've had too much to drink."

Pan went to get him some cold water. 

"I thought..I thought she would be all I'd ever need," Wade was breathless. He wouldn't take the water even if Pan told him time and time again that he needed to drink water. 

It wasn't long after that, the lights went out. It was pouring rain. Pan found a few candles to light. Then he went to Wade and put his arm around him. 

Wade cried more.

"What happened?" Pan asked.

"I..I guess it was revenge." Wade didn't look at him. "I'm not sure how I did it. It wasn't me."

"What did you do?"

"You don't want to know."

"I do." Pan reminded him he had brought it up. "You'll feel better if..if you tell me."

It felt strange now that he'd said that to his lover. It was as if he was a stranger of some kind, but not.

Wade had nodded. "It was." He sighed, promising he wasn't an evil person. "Revenge."

"Revenge?"

Wade sighed. That's when he told him how Hannah was a trans man now. "Going by some crappy name like Dylan."

Pan knew Wade was angry about it. "Oh, I doubt she was ever that sweet and innocent. That girl he's with." Wade's expression changed as if he might be the person he used to be. "I-I just couldn't let it go, OK." His ominous look exposed the monster he could be. A sly smile came to his face when he admitted. "It started with a kiss."

Now Pan was in a serious overdrive. What did that mean? Had he given her a drug with a kiss? Who was she? Was she with Dylan now? He winced, imagining what went wrong. Why was Wade telling him now?

Of course, the next morning when Wade asked if anything strange had happened that night. Pan felt himself becoming who Wade wanted him to be. He gave him his morning coffee. "Oh, there were sirens. I think someone drowned in the basement last night."

"What a shame," Wade told him. 

"Oh, and that thing," Pan smiled with ease.

"What thing?" Wade looked back him oddly with his steaming black coffee to his lips.

"You..you asked me..." Pan took his time to say it. "You asked me to marry you."